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Sexual Health & Wellness
Question #22644
28 days ago
60

how to improve sex - #22644

Ananya

I am really confused about how to improve sex in my relationship. A couple of weeks ago, me and my partner decided to spice things up a bit since we’ve been feeling kinda blah lately. I mean, we used to be super passionate but now it just feels routine, ya know? We tried some new positions and even got some toys, but nothing seems to work. Sometimes, I even feel anxious before we get intimate because I just don’t know how to improve sex like we used to! Last weekend, we’d set the mood with candles and music, but I just couldn’t get into it — I was stressing about how to improve sex and it ruined the vibe. It’s like this weird cycle, the more I think about it, the less I’m enjoying it. Friends always talk about how their relationships are on fire and I’m sitting here Googling how to improve sex like that's the only solution. Is there something we should be doing differently, maybe some exercises or mental tricks? Or is this just a phase every couple goes through? Just wanna feel that spark again without all this pressure!

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Doctors' responses

Improving sexual intimacy in a relationship often involves a combination of emotional connection, communication, and physical adjustments. It sounds like there’s some anxiety around performance and expectations, which is common and can create a cycle of stress affecting sexual fulfillment. One thing you can focus on is open communication with your partner. Sometimes, openly discussing desires, boundaries, and even concerns outside the bedroom can alleviate pressure without that immediate focus on intimacy. Consider scheduling time for intimacy without an agenda—no pressure for things to ‘improve sex’ in certain ways and more about enjoying each other’s company. Mindfulness techniques can also be helpful; practicing mindfulness meditation or deep breathing can help refocus energy away from anxiety and into the present. Physically, regular exercise, especially cardiovascular and strength training, can boost mood and energy levels, impacting sexual health positively. Invest time in non-sexual physical touch to increase intimacy without the pressure of performance; this might include massages, cuddling, or dancing. If worries persist, or if there are issues like erectile dysfunction, it might be beneficial to consult a physician or a therapist who specializes in relationship and sexual health. Sometimes these issues can be a phase, but addressing them together actively through communication and healthy practices can help reignite that spark you’re missing. Keep in mind, balancing and reducing stress in your daily life can significantly impact your relationship’s intimacy too, so look into stress-management activities you both enjoy. Liberation from performance anxiety demands patience and trust in your partner, so focus on building this foundation rather than seeking perfect moments each time. This way, your improvements are more likely to feel natural and sustainable, rather than forced attempts to rekindle passion.

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