Hello Pawan, First of all, I am very sorry that you have had to carry this burden for so many years. Losing your father to suicide at the age of 15 is a deeply painful experience, and it is understandable that you still have unanswered questions. The truth is, no one can know exactly why your father made that decision. In many cases, people who die by suicide are suffering from severe depression, another mental illness, overwhelming stress, or emotional pain that affects their ability to think clearly. It does not necessarily mean he did not love you or your family. Unfortunately, many people who are suicidal are unable to see the impact their death will have on those they leave behind.
Regarding your own health:
You mentioned that you have been bedridden for months, feel that you are getting worse, and have been taking metformin (500–1500 mg) without a prescription. If you do not have diabetes or prediabetes diagnosed by a doctor, you should stop taking metformin unless it has been prescribed, as it is unlikely to help and may cause side effects.
Even if your routine blood tests are normal, being confined to bed for months is not normal and needs a thorough medical evaluation. Physical illness, depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, vitamin deficiencies, hormonal problems, and neurological conditions can all cause severe fatigue and weakness. I am also concerned because you said, “I think I’ll die soon.” Sometimes people say this because they feel very unwell physically, and sometimes it reflects emotional distress. Can I ask you something important?
Are you having thoughts of harming yourself or feeling that life is not worth living right now?
If the answer is yes, or if you feel you might act on those thoughts, please tell a trusted family member or friend immediately and go to the nearest emergency department or contact your local mental health crisis service today. You do not have to face this alone, and help is available.
Prescription/Advice:
• Stop taking metformin unless it has been prescribed by your doctor.
• Arrange an appointment with a physician (preferably an Internal Medicine specialist) for a comprehensive evaluation of your prolonged illness.
• Also consult a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist, as prolonged grief and depression are treatable conditions.
• Maintain adequate hydration, regular meals, and try to get out of bed for short periods if physically able.
• If you develop worsening weakness, chest pain, difficulty breathing, or have thoughts of harming yourself, seek emergency medical care immediately.
Pawan, your father’s decision does not define your future. Even though you have lived without the guidance you deserved, it does not mean things cannot improve from here. There are effective treatments for both physical and emotional illnesses, and you deserve to receive that care.
Feel free to reach out again.
Regards,
Dr. Nirav Jain
Family Medicine Specialist
